Should I wait after until he gives his speech to a combined Congress in the House, or should I predict how it will go? Or how it should go? Or just guess what he will say? There are so many variables.
Will the Democrats give Trump a taste of his own medicine boo-ing and shouting "you lie!" and "not true!""Traitor!" and "Putin puppet!"?
He will start off with saying that we are entering a Golden Age of America. This is to be made possible by all the wonderful, oppressive and racist things he has been doing since taking office.
He will say that we will all be wealthy again because we've cut out all the waste and fired 200,000 government workers, who didn't really need those jobs.
We've got the dreaded LGBTQ+ out of our military and women sports.
We're going to make America religious again by shoving White Christian Nationalism down your throats in violation of the First Amendment under the guise of enforcing the First Amendment.
We salute those heroes that stormed the Capitol as patriots trying to bring back the Spirit of 1776.
What? They went to prison? How is that possible? I'll just take care of that with a stroke of my pen to negate years of work by law enforcement, because it takes a criminal to pardon one.
Laken Riley will not have died in vain as we deport all those illegal immigrants who riot and pillage and kill our children.
I'm so smart we'll stop making pennies (no cents at all!) and rename global features at will.
The heroes of the past must be revered (Paul will be turning on his grave), so we must return the admiration to the Confederate traitors that killed so many Union soldiers as patriots by making forts and mountains and statues in their name.
Tariffs will make the U.S. so wealthy that we can do away with income tax and instead feed the External Revenue Service.
Now that is legal to bribe foreign officials and companies our mighty corporations will take over the world. I can take a bribe, too, without consequences!
I made English the official language of the United States to ruin bilingual education and punish the English illiterate. No more Spanish voting ballots or pamphlets.
We have outlawed vaccine mandates in schools so Covid-19 and measles and polio can flourish again. I learned so much in 2020. Let's do it again.
Plastic straws live again. No more icky paper ones.
You'll be able to use your Second Amendment right to buy machine guns, rocket propelled grenades, and cop killing ammunition at every corner store.
We'll pull out of the United Nations because all they do is talk a lot. FDR didn't know what he was doing when he planned it.
Unions have been hampering corporations for far too long, so we'll start with a nationwide right-to-work law that will cripple their dues collection.
The water taps need to be kept open in California. No more fires!
We have finally gotten rid of woke DEI. Don't make me explain it, because I don't know what it means. But everybody hates it, so you should, too.
I stopped the wasteful practice of making friends overseas by sending them food, resources and competent and caring American help.
The death penalty has been restored so you can all sleep safer tonight. Morals? Who needs 'em?
The climate change radical left lunatics have been expunged from the deep state. Their information erased so it won't cause you to worry.
I believe we should never put the American flag at half-staff anytime I'm around ever again. I'm more important than anyone else, so stop it. It's a ridiculous tradition made up by some Democrat. What? It's been done since the 1600s? Forget it. I don't believe in traditions, or the rule of law, for that matter.
We're out of the World Health Organization. I was sick of it, you see. All they did was find new diseases that needed to be cured. Too expensive. The problem is over there, not here.
Speaking of expensive, we need to get rid of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. All they do is keep banks, credit cards and payday lenders from ripping you off. What's the fun in that? You need to pay an expensive lawyer just to get those ridiculously large overdraft fees back. We can't possibly let a government agency do the job for you. That's not the way the government works. It's supposed to let big business run the country. Representative democracy? Get real.
No longer will conservative right wing opinions be censored. We need an even playing field so it's time for intelligent and thoughtful progressive people to take their turn and shut up.
Ukraine needs us, so I'm pausing aid at a critical time. It's the same as canceling it, but it sounds better. Zelensky almost got me impeached in 2019, and I've never forgotten how it was all my fault for using transactional blackmail. I love doing my Rodney Dangerfield impersonation. "I don't get no respect!" No, really, I don't care there are Ukrainians dying right now. I need to puff up like a blowfish to show how important I am.
So, as I close tonight, I want you to think about what is important to me, not to you. You're not important, you never were. I just conned you into thinking I represented your dreams and ideals. What nonsense. You can plainly see that I only care about billionaires and dictators and being their pawn.
Finally, let me end with a thought I once had as a TV star:
"YOU'RE FIRED!"
